My Best Friend

I lost my best friend on Saturday.  I have had her for 11 years and everyday without her feels empty.  I never expected to feel so alone, sad, hurt and even angry.  She was such a good girl, the best, in fact.  Unfortunately, she had cancer and I promised her and myself that I wouldn't let her suffer.  I don't think that I kept my promise as well as I should have.  I was selfish and didn't want to let her go.  I hope she knows how much I love her and that she was the best dog in the world!  I hope I gave her a good life and I hope she knows that I will be taken care of and that she did a great job of it while she was here.

Sometimes I think I hear you... your little grunts when you're trying to fall asleep.  Some mornings I wake up and forget that you're gone... it's heartbreaking when I realize that you're not here.  I haven't fed Bailey since you left, it's not because I don't want to, but I think John thinks it's better off if he does it for awhile. The first few times I watched and cried.  I wanted to feed you also.  That was always the routine... when you ate, she ate.  Coming home isn't easy either.  I would always come straight to you, especially in the end when I knew you couldn't come to me.  I miss you following me around the house.. even though the last month or so I wished you would have just stayed in your bed.  I told you every time that I would be right back and it wasn't worth trying to get up.  You never listened.  I will miss our car rides.  The other day when I got in my car and looked in the back seat I completely broke down.  There are still bits and pieces of your hair and I regret all the times I was upset about how messy you made my car.  I miss your soft lips and wet nose.  I miss our staring contests and your single bark at the back door letting me know you're ready to come in.  I will miss our walks through the orchard, that you loved so much and the way you would stop and wait for me when you were too far ahead.  I miss rolling over in the morning and seeing you next to the bed.  Even at the end when I spent so many days crying over what was to come, you were standing next to me at the side of the bed to make sure I was okay.  I've had a lot of break downs since you've been gone.  So many things remind me of you or of our last days together.  You were there for me through the best and worst times of my adult life and I will miss you everyday.  I love you so much Allie girl... xoxo