Well, I am getting ready to start my last week of school, which means I'm studying for finals, designing presentations, rewriting papers, stressing about grades, and trying to figure out what I am going to do with a month off. I can honestly say that I have had a pretty good semester and I'm not terribly worried about grades (except in one darn class!!). However, I am feeling a strange overwhelming feeling, along with so many other emotions.
Maybe it's the horrible school shooting that had me feeling down and anxiety ridden? I just can't seem to stop thinking about the entire thing and how scary it must have been for all those students and teacher. Also, how heart broken so many families are and will be for years to come. I don't have any children, but it makes me think about my nieces and all the kids I work with. I just can't fathom any of the feelings felt in that day and hope I never have to. It also makes me think a lot about mental health and the lack of funding, resources and education. There are so many signs to be seen, yet, as a society we are not able to see them or we just ignore them out of fear or discrimination. There really are so many people that need the help of others and society as a whole, but because so many of us in the United States are so focused on ourselves, it has really become almost impossible to see the needs of others.
Orrr...
Maybe I am feeling this way because I am doing things like this instead of working on what needs to be done. If you know me... You know that I will do a million other things to avoid what needs to be done most.
Also, I am starting a new job this week (along with keeping my old job) that is going to take a lot of work and determination. I am extremely excited to see where it is going to take me... But at the same time, I am realizing that I am going to have to learn to really step outside of myself and my shyness and become this person that I am really not. Well, maybe I am...but I haven't discovered it yet.
Plus, I have recently started my own photography business! (yay!!!!!!) And let me tell you, it has been amazing!! The only thing is, I am so critical of my work and it really takes a toll on me!
With all these things running around in my head... I am really carrying around a heavy heart! My emotions are bouncing back and fourth and I can't seem to get a grip on them.
I can only hope that things settle down after the holidays and give me time to reflect on all the amazing things that this year has brought!
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